Saturday, April 01, 2006

King Ralph Is No More.

Alberta Premier Ralph Klein, "King Ralph" to his court jesters, has been dealt a crushing defeat at the Alberta Conservative Convention (isn't that a lot like calling the ocean "really wet water"?). He received only 55% support from the rednecks, I mean delegates in attendance.

At the last meeting of the good old boy club, he received 97% support. The wild and crazy people who made up the three percent that kept King Ralph from garnering 100% were hanged from trees in Red Deer as a warning to the townsfolk about what happens to traitors.

Poor Ralph. Never was there a person so sure he could do a job for which he was so ill-suited. Reality wasn't a hindrence to "The Teflon Premier". He thought he was Matt Dillon, we knew he was Barney Fife. He thought he was Donald Trump, we knew he was Jed Clampett. King Ralph's jesters let him do whatever his alchohol-pickled little brain wanted to do, and watched the dollars roll in through the oil patch. Ralph Klein might be an obscene, spousal-abusive, racist, homophobic, alchoholic, gambling-addicted, anger-fuelled buffoon, but he could seemingly create more cash flow than Enron, and in Alberta, money is the only thing that really matters.

When the dust settles, and King Ralph goes back to private life, (I can just hear all the members of the best Calgarian enclaves saying "he's not moving here, we have bylaws, fences and guns to keep him out) maybe he'll find another career calls out to him. He'd make a great used car salesman, or he could run a perpetual yard sale on his front lawn.

What a bitter disappointment for a nasty little man who defied the odds and the laws of nature to become premier, and then mooned his critics by winning four majority governments. We all know bad things happen to good people. In this case bad things are finally happening to a bad person.

My only fear is "who's next?"

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