Mother's Day. An adopted child's perspective.
My birth mother, I was told, was 17, a rape victim, a small town girl whose life had really yet to begin when I was born.
I think about her a lot, but never more than during the days leading up to the Holy Grail for All Things Maternal: Mother's Day.
I was raised by parents who, wisely, chose not to procreate, but who, unwisely, gave into the myth that two people cannot be a "family" without children. They adopted. Sadly, I was one of the chosen. This blog is not about this mother, it is about my first mother, wherever she is.
Is she still alive? Where is she? Is she str8, or has she been forced to live as str8 or is she a Lesbian, Bi, Trans? Is her name now Frank? Does she love animals the way I do? Is she built like a truck, or was my size and shape determined by the rapist? Is she a night owl? Does she love to read? Is she allergic to lilacs? Does she love Motown and see Aretha Franklin as a goddess? Does she think television is a sad case of garbage in garbage out? Is she a practicing Jew, or did she finally "get it" and stop practicing? Is she happy? Is she safe? Does she miss me?
My sister found her birth mother, and it was a disaster of epic proportions. Her mother rejected her and left absolutely no chance of reconciliation. It broke my sister's spirit. I'm a quick learner...especially when pain is involved, so the thought of really trying to find my mother is not high on the list of things to do this week.
As I hear the ads, see the posters, walk by the displays of gifts, cards and flowers devoted to Mother's Day, I feel the most crushing sense of total loss.......
Happy Mother's Day, Mom. Wherever you are.
I think about her a lot, but never more than during the days leading up to the Holy Grail for All Things Maternal: Mother's Day.
I was raised by parents who, wisely, chose not to procreate, but who, unwisely, gave into the myth that two people cannot be a "family" without children. They adopted. Sadly, I was one of the chosen. This blog is not about this mother, it is about my first mother, wherever she is.
Is she still alive? Where is she? Is she str8, or has she been forced to live as str8 or is she a Lesbian, Bi, Trans? Is her name now Frank? Does she love animals the way I do? Is she built like a truck, or was my size and shape determined by the rapist? Is she a night owl? Does she love to read? Is she allergic to lilacs? Does she love Motown and see Aretha Franklin as a goddess? Does she think television is a sad case of garbage in garbage out? Is she a practicing Jew, or did she finally "get it" and stop practicing? Is she happy? Is she safe? Does she miss me?
My sister found her birth mother, and it was a disaster of epic proportions. Her mother rejected her and left absolutely no chance of reconciliation. It broke my sister's spirit. I'm a quick learner...especially when pain is involved, so the thought of really trying to find my mother is not high on the list of things to do this week.
As I hear the ads, see the posters, walk by the displays of gifts, cards and flowers devoted to Mother's Day, I feel the most crushing sense of total loss.......
Happy Mother's Day, Mom. Wherever you are.
posted by Alphamutt at 1:00 PM
2 Comments:
Hey Deb,
You're a stellar person, regardless of your origins. I wish you could just simply focus on that fact ... and discard the past burden. I can say this .... I am familar with my gene pool .... sadly. My birth father, whom I got to know at the age of 18, is a well intentioned gene flaw. In fact, each time I visit him and his wife, I am reminded of the gene baggade I have passed on to my children. Great .... I'm left thinking.
Back to my original assertion, you rock, Sista. Your gene origins will no doubt haunt you until dementia sets in, but it need not. You are as your are in sptie of the odds and the impacts of the choices of others in your past. You are clearly a surviver. You deserve to plow forward without the baggage you clearly carry.
Rock forward, Sista!
ALPHAMUT:
I KNOW THE PRESSURE YOU FEEL TO THINK ON THESE ISSUES WHEN "SOCIETY" SAYS YOU ARE NOT OKAY WITHOUT HAVING KIDS OR THINKING OF HAVING THEM OR LONGING TO HAVE THEM.......BUT SOME GENE POOLS NEED A LOT OF CHLORINE.....NO MATTER WHAT WE ARE OR WHO WE ARE DESPITE OR INSPITE OF THE GENETIC MAKE UP OF OUR PARENTS.
I THANK THE GODDESS THAT I AM LIKE MY FEMALE PARENTAL UNIT AND THE GENE POOL ON THE MALE SIDE HAS BEEN SOMEWHAT MODIFIED WITH LOTS OF TRAINING IN MY GENERATION. WE ARE NOT A REFLECTION OF WHO WE COME FROM BUT RATHER OF WHO WE BECOME, BE STRONG, BE TRUE AND BE YOU..............NO MATTER WHAT!
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