The Very Long Weekend....
This weekend I had to deal with the BC Ministry of Children and Families as the result of a horrible case of extreme neglect of children due to mental health and substance abuse issues. The kids are okay for now, but the guilt associated with damning them to foster care was and is really hard to take.
I spent months (and months and months) in foster care as a child. It was hell.
Maybe things have changed for the better in 30 years. Maybe British Columbia was always light years ahead of other provinces when dealing with kids in crisis, and is now at the forefront of child welfare and advocacy. Maybe these poor little kids will not be more screwed up after they leave foster care than they were when they went in.
Call me cynical, but I don't believe in "maybe". Maybe usually means "no".
Children removed from the care (for lack of a better word) of a parent face huge emotional trauma. No matter what the circumstances, kids will take on the responsibility for the breakdown of the family, even though it is most often the neglect, or abuse, or stupidity of an adult that is at fault. Leaving a parent, even a wasted, addicted, narcissistic, useless, abusive or largely absent parent creates spiritual damage that can define the course of a child's journey into adulthood. If a parent can't protect, nurture and love a kid, if a parent can't be counted upon to provide the necessities of life, who can?
In my experience, the answer is not a foster parent.
I'm sure there are truly dedicated, professional, experienced and gifted foster care providers out there somewhere. Not every foster parent is in it for the wrong reasons, but my brothers, my sister and I never met any of those committed to excellence types. Between us we racked up probably twelve or thirteen different foster homes, and none of them provided the support, encouragement , safety and understanding that we needed as the prisoners of war we were in our parents' battles with the demons of alcoholism, mental illness, spousal abuse, child abuse and spiritual poverty.
I have to believe that the children I met this weekend are better off with strangers who are paid to see to their needs than they were in their family home.
I hope to God I'm right, because the price they will pay if I'm wrong is far too high.
I spent months (and months and months) in foster care as a child. It was hell.
Maybe things have changed for the better in 30 years. Maybe British Columbia was always light years ahead of other provinces when dealing with kids in crisis, and is now at the forefront of child welfare and advocacy. Maybe these poor little kids will not be more screwed up after they leave foster care than they were when they went in.
Call me cynical, but I don't believe in "maybe". Maybe usually means "no".
Children removed from the care (for lack of a better word) of a parent face huge emotional trauma. No matter what the circumstances, kids will take on the responsibility for the breakdown of the family, even though it is most often the neglect, or abuse, or stupidity of an adult that is at fault. Leaving a parent, even a wasted, addicted, narcissistic, useless, abusive or largely absent parent creates spiritual damage that can define the course of a child's journey into adulthood. If a parent can't protect, nurture and love a kid, if a parent can't be counted upon to provide the necessities of life, who can?
In my experience, the answer is not a foster parent.
I'm sure there are truly dedicated, professional, experienced and gifted foster care providers out there somewhere. Not every foster parent is in it for the wrong reasons, but my brothers, my sister and I never met any of those committed to excellence types. Between us we racked up probably twelve or thirteen different foster homes, and none of them provided the support, encouragement , safety and understanding that we needed as the prisoners of war we were in our parents' battles with the demons of alcoholism, mental illness, spousal abuse, child abuse and spiritual poverty.
I have to believe that the children I met this weekend are better off with strangers who are paid to see to their needs than they were in their family home.
I hope to God I'm right, because the price they will pay if I'm wrong is far too high.
posted by Alphamutt at 5:56 PM
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