I'm Not Smart, But I Can Lift Heavy Things.
Spatial relations mystify me.
Christine loves to tell the story of my attempt to impress her with my skills as a dyklie Dyke soon after we had moved into our first home together.
We bought an Ikea TV stand, and I was putting it together. I said that I needed a drill. Given that Ikea furniture requires only an Allen key for assembly, Chris asked why I needed a drill. I told her that the holes were on the wrong side.
Had I meant it as a joke, we would have had a nice chuckle and moved on. I was dead serious.
Some people can visualize huge projects in their heads. My friend Angelina could seemingly find a way to fit a camel through the eye of a needle, and make it look easy. That's why she put together our new dining room table, after I tried to attach a leg backwards, and then assembled two bookshelves and my desk. Christine constructed six chairs.
I made sure the womenly women had cold drinks.
I'm not allowed to have power tools. The last time I tried to install hardware for blinds, I drilled 12 sets of holes before I got lucky. I'm permitted a hammer, but only to hang pictures, because Chris sucks at interior decorating. If we could afford to hire a designer, I'm sure I'd lose hammer privileges, too.
It's hard to maintain the hard-earned reputation of "butch" when I'm not allowed to wear a tool belt, and I'm known for baking, not building stuff. Fortunately I'm short, wide, nearly bald and drive a Suburban, generally with four dogs in the back. Not many people mistake me for a yummy mummy from Kits.
But man, do I wish I could tear apart a motor or build a shed.....
Christine loves to tell the story of my attempt to impress her with my skills as a dyklie Dyke soon after we had moved into our first home together.
We bought an Ikea TV stand, and I was putting it together. I said that I needed a drill. Given that Ikea furniture requires only an Allen key for assembly, Chris asked why I needed a drill. I told her that the holes were on the wrong side.
Had I meant it as a joke, we would have had a nice chuckle and moved on. I was dead serious.
Some people can visualize huge projects in their heads. My friend Angelina could seemingly find a way to fit a camel through the eye of a needle, and make it look easy. That's why she put together our new dining room table, after I tried to attach a leg backwards, and then assembled two bookshelves and my desk. Christine constructed six chairs.
I made sure the womenly women had cold drinks.
I'm not allowed to have power tools. The last time I tried to install hardware for blinds, I drilled 12 sets of holes before I got lucky. I'm permitted a hammer, but only to hang pictures, because Chris sucks at interior decorating. If we could afford to hire a designer, I'm sure I'd lose hammer privileges, too.
It's hard to maintain the hard-earned reputation of "butch" when I'm not allowed to wear a tool belt, and I'm known for baking, not building stuff. Fortunately I'm short, wide, nearly bald and drive a Suburban, generally with four dogs in the back. Not many people mistake me for a yummy mummy from Kits.
But man, do I wish I could tear apart a motor or build a shed.....
posted by Alphamutt at 10:11 PM
5 Comments:
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lol! That made me laugh out loud!
And it SOOOOOO reminded me of my friend. She's a lesbian AND to top it of - a carpenter. We had her over to help us set up a wardrobe from IKEA but we ended up having to kick her out because she couldn't follow easy IKEA instructions. So we threatened to send her to school of IKEA. But instead we got her a new bed from IKEA... and didn't help her put it together. She claims she set it up in minutes but somehow we don't believe that.
In all fairness you *could* tear apart a motor. Putting it back together would be the problem!!!
Love, Me
you could also build a shed, you would just have to come up with some very convincing reasons why it tilts to the side, has holes in the roof, and nail heads covering almost every inch of wood.
lol. that would be very amusing.
I can sooooo relate to your "assembly disability" I too suffer from the same thing. Add to that, I couldn't make a good cup of coffee if my life depended on it. I have a measuring scoop and coffee, and the directions written on the wall. I still mess it up.... I think there are "coffee gremlins." I therefore have come to accept that I have a chronic and irreversible coffee making disability....
Faith
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